


He Likes Them Younger

by TooAttachedToDelete



Series: Dan and Phil One Shots [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 17:59:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15148712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooAttachedToDelete/pseuds/TooAttachedToDelete
Summary: One flippant joke from Dan leaves Phil wondering about his own motivations and if he was right to pursue Dan when he did.





	He Likes Them Younger

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted this to be great but the more I wrote it, the less I liked it. Then again I haven't written anything in years and this is my first time writing RPF fan-fiction. So please have some mercy. I still think bits of it are good but you can tell I'm very rusty.
> 
> Part 1 in a series of Dan and Phil One Shots

It happened during a movie night with PJ and Sophie.

Dan wanted to watch “Call Me By Your Name” “It’s arty and gay, how can we not watch it?” Phil was ambivalent about the whole thing. Arty and gay usually ended up being beautiful and sad and he was mildly annoyed at same sex relationships all having to be beautiful and sad. 

When he first saw Timothee Chalamet come on the screen, Phil was struck by his delicate features. He knew the man was in his early 20’s and yet he looked so much younger. 

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” He asked, meaning it as an aside to Dan, who was cuddled up on his lap.

PJ turned to look at them and said “Uh oh Dan, looks like you’ve got competition.”

Dan let out an overly dramatic sigh. “I knew this would happen one day. Phil’s always like them younger. One of these days he’s gonna trade me in for a newer model.” and he leaned into Phil and lightly patted his leg.

PJ and Sophie giggled slightly and turned back to the movie.

But Phil could no longer concentrate.

Had he always liked them younger?

The only younger person he had ever dated was Dan and as they got older, the age gap seemed less and less important. 

Dan was much less sure of himself then. He posted risque pictures online, highlighting his delicate features, trying to find self esteem in lustful comments from his followers, including Phil. 

And Phil was more than happy to comply.

With the movie playing in the background, Phil started questioning himself.

Dan had looked so young then, hadn’t he? Phil knew from the beginning that the boy (man! He thinks immediately.) was legally an adult but his face was so thin, his eyes so big and trusting that he seemed much younger. 

Was that the main draw back then? Phil thought at the time that Dan’s persistent interest in him was what drew him in. That Dan saw Phil as someone special, someone beautiful and smart, when Phil himself was full of doubt. That Dan so badly wanted to impress him and seduce him.

Yet

“He’s always liked them younger.”

Was it true?

 

He’s making coffee the next morning when he thinks “He’s always liked them younger”. 

His skin crawls at the thought. It made him feel predatory, gross. 

Phil thinks of Dan at the tube station when they first met. His eyes so big and trusting. How Phil’s heart skipped a beat when he hugged the boy (man!) close and was able to envelop his arms around him. 

Later at Starbucks Dan confides that he told his grandma about the trip. “She told me to be really careful around you.” He said with a laugh, “that people on the internet could be anyone. Like she thought you were gonna rape me or something!” 

Phil laughed too. Because he was the least threatening person in the world. He had no intentions of hurting Dan or anyone.

Yet.

Phil had invited Dan to Manchester with the hopes of kissing him at the very least. They made love for the first time during his visit and became a couple shortly after. He may not have been a predator per se, but Dan’s grandma had been right about one thing, Phil did have perverted intentions toward her grandson. 

Phil is struck by the way their first meeting becomes twisted in his head. For the longest time he’s seen it through the eyes of his 22 year old self. 

At 31, he’s starting to see things differently.

He had befriended a lonely trusting beautiful boy who was obsessed with him on the internet and then met with him in person to sleep with him.

Sure there were feelings involved on Phil’s part. He was giddy and scared and felt like he loved Dan until he was fit to burst. And Dan seemed entranced by Phil. At 22 it seemed natural, romantic and equal.

Now it just makes him feel dirty. 

A few days afterword, Phil is tossing and turning in bed. He looks to his left and sees Dan sleeping soundly. Dan let’s out a small noise and then turns on his side, curling up in the fetal position.

His curly hair flops into his eyes and he sleepily swipes at it with the back of his hand. 

Phil thinks, “He looks so young”

And he starts to shake.

Was that Dan’s biggest draw? Dan always looked younger. He had always been delicate, either confused with a teen-aged boy or a woman. He didn’t have many wrinkles to speak of, didn’t have to hunt for gray hairs in the mirror like Phil did.

Didn’t have to shave like Phil did either. 

He looks over at Dan’s hairless chest and then touches the bits of hair on his own. 

Delicate and hairless Dan. 

Phil feels sick. 

No. This isn’t right. He fell for Dan’s personality. Nerdy and flirty and weird. Sure Phil loved his body but Phil loved all kinds of bodies. If Dan were more “traditionally masculine” Phil would love him just as much, want him just as much. 

“I don’t like them younger” he says to himself. 

“Did you say something?” Dan asks groggily, turning to face Phil. 

“Dan did...when we first started dating, did you feel like...I was only interested in you because you were so young?”

Dan rubs his eyes and shifts, slowly becoming more awake.

“What are you on about?”

Phil rubs his hands together nervously. 

“I guess I could have given you the wrong impression, going on and on about how small you were, how I loved your big eyes and how you trusted me and I guess...being the more accomplished one, the more experienced in life felt nice because you asked for my advice and looked up to me but you don’t look up to me and I still love you so...” Phil catches himself rambling and can’t stop, “sure I love how firm your skin is and your curly hair makes you look so much softer and you look really good in over sized jumpers but that doesn’t mean anything and...”

“Phil! Take a breath.” When Phil did so Dan continued, “Now slowly, tell me what’s wrong.”

“When we...when we first met...did I take advantage of you?”

Dan’s eyes got wide. 

“Where the fuck did that come from?”

Phil could feel his skin itching, his sins crawling on his back. “You were so young. We were only 4 years apart but so much further apart in experience. You had no direction you were still going to school and...” Tears were actually prickling in the back of his eyes.

“You might have been 18 physically but mentally and emotionally? Were you...did we...I...was it...you were so young. You just wanted love and acceptance and I...I wanted a partner and I made you my partner. Was it wrong? What I wanted from you?”

Phil’s whole body was shaking. Tears were flowing freely.  
“You wanted love and acceptance and I gave you sex. Or you gave me sex for love and acceptance. Did you know you didn’t have to trade those? Did you know I’d love you anyway? Did I tell you that? Did you know you didn’t have to give me your body to have my love? I...”

Phil chokes back a sob. He places his shaking hands in front of his face. 

Dan wraps his arm around Phil’s back and pulls him close. Phil shrinks from the touch as much as he can. Now he’s made Dan feel guilty. He fucked up and Dan’s comforting him. Dan will have to come up with words to make it ok or he’ll feel bad. 

Without meaning to, Phil has backed him into a corner.

“Never once did you take advantage of me. I wanted you just as much. I needed you just as much. I may have been lonely and sad but not enough to put up with that, alright. Even I had higher standards.”

Dan tries to lighten the mood by laughing quietly. 

Phil takes his hands away, his face wet.

“Did you? For a while your world revolved around me. I was all you had. Would you really have risked it? I...”

Phil chokes again and tries to breathe. 

“I had too much power over you. This...us...maybe it shouldn’t have happened this way.”

Dan grabs his hands and holds them tightly in his own.

“Don’t you fucking ruin our entire history like that. I love those memories and you’re not gonna turn them into something twisted. Maybe the...the power dynamic was a bit lopsided.” Dan concedes and Phil’s whole body tenses. 

“But did you even think of it back then? Did you even consider holding your status above my head? Using it to manipulate me?”

Phil shakes his head, just a bit.

Dan’s voice softens and he gets closer to Phil.

“You may have had the upper hand but you were too good...” Dan kisses Phil’s hands “too good to even see it. If you were really so horrible you would have known. You would have seen my absolute trust in you and used it against me. You didn’t. You had no idea that the power existed. I know you didn’t! You didn’t see yourself as stronger, more influential. You saw us as being on the same footing and so we were.”

Dan squeezes Phil’s hands and looks him in the eye. His voice is almost a whisper, “You’re only seeing it now because you’re looking back as a man in his 30’s. You’ve seen what total shit the world can be and it’s...well even you Phil Lester have gotten a bit cynical. You might have liked having someone who looked up to you and needed you but if that’s all you liked then we wouldn’t still be here. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve grown a lot. I can support myself just fine and you’ve never once treated that as anything but a good thing. The type of person you’re describing, would only want someone who relied on them forever. That’s not you. If anything you’ve supported my growth and independence more than anyone.”

Dan leans in and kisses Phil lightly on the lips.

“Then why did you say I like them younger?”

Dan tilts his head, “what?”

“When we were watching that movie with PJ and Sophie. You said I liked them younger when I talked about Timothee Chalamet. You acted like...it was some sort of known thing about me. Something that everyone says and I’m just finding out about.”

Dan snorts and ends up coughing. “It was a joke Phil, a stupid joke.”

“A joke about me going after younger men? A joke about me being manipulative and gross? How is that funny?”

“Because no one else would believe it! Not for a second would anyone who knows you think it was true. I made that joke as a reference to having a mid life crisis. You know when I said that thing about “trading me in for a newer model?” It was the most non-Phil Lester idea I could think of. That you of all people would throw away a 9 year relationship like that. I could only joke about it because it’s an absurd idea. Anyone who knows you would know it’s absurd!”

Dan shakes his head “except for you apparently.”

Phil leans into his boyfriend and sighs. “Sometimes I think about how big a fan you were and wonder if it wasn’t fair. I wonder if we became too much too fast. I wonder how long it took you to realize that I wasn’t any better or more important than you, that you were my equal. How long did it take for me to stop being “AmazingPhil” and just become “Phil”?

“Not long. Because never once did you act like anything but just Phil. From the very beginning you treated me like a good friend and equal until I realized it for myself. I got to know you and saw your flaws and realized that fanatical devotion had to go and when it went, you stayed. So I just...”

Dan shrugs. “Stopped being a fan and started being a friend.” Dan smiles slightly and Phil smiles back “If you want me to point out your flaws and mistakes, I can. I will rip you apart emotionally. But how you’ve treated me? How you’ve loved me? Nowhere on that list.”

Phil kisses Dan on the bridge of his nose and leaves a few small kisses on his cheeks.

“Then what’s on the list?”

Dan appears to think about it “Oh you know...How you’re a dirty cereal thief, how you stubbornly keep your problems to yourself, how you leave your socks everywhere how...”

Phil kisses Dan on the lips. “I get the point.”  
“How you interrupt me by kissing me.”

Phil laughs. 

“How you get stupidly anxious over the silliest shit. Seriously though if I have to put fucking post its around the flat saying “You are a fucking good person, deal with it! I will.”

Dan looks at him dead on and Phil realizes that he’s completely serious. 

He shakes his head, “That’s not necessary just..think before you speak.”

Dan lets out a laugh. “Says you Mr. “I can get it up just as well as you can”

Phil grabs a pillow and lightly hits Dan with it. 

“I changed my mind. I’m trading you in right now. Hopefully for someone from the Avengers.”


End file.
